Tuesday, May 5, 2015

201102687 Lee, Jun Ki / Sword, Not Keyboard / Argumentative Essay / Thurs 1-3pm

Sword, not Keyboard


Have you ever commented on new article or somebody else's wall? Twisting the question, have you ever left any negative comments on them? Hope not because it is certainly not a nice thing to do. Nowadays, internet is ubiquitous. You can get access to it everywhere you want. However, that does not mean it became lighter. Insulting comments on the internet is certainly against the law, destroys atmosphere of internet, and could drive victims into devastation.


             As internet gains popularity, people are now in use of it every second of their life. However, anonymity of internet makes them 'too brave'. People tends to post more words that could hurt others as they do not have to 'face' them or the consequences, but it is clearly against the law. The law ensured that if the victim of posting or comment felt insulted, they could file a lawsuit against the comment writer. When the writer is sentences guilty, they have to pay huge fines. Posting insulting words is a crime, but people are simply not aware of it. Also the part that victim has to file a lawsuit in order to get the writer punished discourages many victims because of difficult process of lawsuit. Just because it is not punished, that does not mean that it is not a crime.


             This commenting problem is also affecting the entire atmosphere is internet. I do admit that we all have freedom of speech, but some people are just going too far. Internet was a good place to express opinions, however it is now just a debate table of people who lacks logics. From some point, we could not see any positive comments on internet article. Irresponsible writers had made an atmosphere that suggestive comments draw all the attention. They ruined the nice and clean atmosphere of internet. They have created a world where insult is accepted. Taking a part in this process is destroying the internet ethics.


             The victims of insulting comments are the foremost reason that why it should never happen. These victims are not just celebrities or character of public. They could be middle school student being bullied or normal salary man having hard time in their jobs. Recently a middle school student committed suicide after being bullied online though SNS. The one word you write could destroy entire life of a person. This is going below the belt. Just because you do not face victims that does not mean that they do not exist.


             Internet was created to make our life happier. However due to some peoples' irresponsible habits, it is destroying lives. Some people do not realize the effect of internet commenting. They should be aware that it is against the law, worsens internet atmosphere, and hurts other people. It cannot be justified nor should be justified, and no one should ever agree on these actions.



  1. 201202029 Oh Ga-yeongMay 5, 2015 at 4:13 PM

    Hello Jun-ki :) This is Ga-yeong, your classmate. I read your essay well. I agree with your point that commenting insulting phrases is against the law. It hurts the mind of people so easiliy. I saw on the TV showing that many people suicide because of rude words other people write. Anyway, I will also comment you according to Editor's Checklist on page 103 and 113. First, your essay has five paragraphs and your thesis statement well identifies your point of view related to commenting an insult. Your each body paragraph include topic sentence and each topic sentence supports well your position. I think that if the topic sentence of first body paragraph comes on the first sentence it will be better. :) Also, if your third body paragraph contain a counter-argument like a refutation, it will be perfect. Anyway, the details in your body paragraphs support reasons stated in the topic sentences well so it means that your essay is well organized. You also well restated your ideas in the thesis statement in different words when you conclude your essay, so it was good. You used connectors that show contrast like However and also included noun clauses or adverbial clauses like 'that' and 'As' so I could follow the flow of your essay easily. Thank you. :)

  2. Kim Minji 201200440May 5, 2015 at 8:45 PM

    Hello. I'm Minji Kim. I enjoyed your writing because malicious comments are serious problems in Korea which caused celebrities' death and accusations. Introduction shows thesis statement and first line of each paragraph include topic sentecnes very well. I think if you change the conclusion with another words it would make your essay better. Because the conclusion include topic sentences with same words it's boring. I there's no refutation in your body paragraph but there's many concession which blame the people who hurt others with keyboard. I think if you include concession which explain why people write bad comments generally, it will be various angle essay. Thank you.

    1. Kim Minji 201200440May 5, 2015 at 8:56 PM

      Sorry. I was confused. I'd like the change the word refutation from concession and concession from refuation. There's many refutation in your essay :)

  3. Hello my name is Chun Young Ho 201103477. It was quite impressive topic and I always felt some necessity to address this problem. Your first paragraph well introduces your topic and hooks readers' attention. You body paragraph is well organized and I agree with your idea that we should care about entire atmosphere of the internet. We also care about victims of malicious comments. Your conclusion was quite boring because it contains same words written in your essay. I really enjoyed your essay.